Where My Words May Rest In Time

metalicmocca @ 2008-05-30T03:20:00

2008-05-30T08:27:53Z

I feel as if my world is coming down around me....
all I have left are my tears and empty words.
I feel empty... unsure.. lost... alone..

hundreds of miles away from my past which was once solid and though
was in ruin held a concrete future.

Since those days I've realized that nothing is concrete, no friendship, no relationship, no job, no love, no happiness. Nothing is written in stone, our beliefs, our emotions, even ourselves change.

For once... I felt as though I had a future I could depend on... a future that before I thought would not fade or change.

That's all gone now...

My whole life has been a system and victim of change... scarcely for the better.
I'm tired, I'm worn, I'm tired of confrontations and doubts.
I'm tired of hate and love all at the same time.
I'm exhausted from trying to find the floor in which to ground myself....

So I guess this is me giving up..
and why not?

Who would notice?

And if someone were to notice.... who's to say they wouldn't become accustomed to it.. and forget about me?

YAY!

2008-05-06T06:42:01Z

I HAVE AN AMAZING BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LOSSSSSSSSSSSERSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUCK MY METAPHORICAL BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A dangerous sleep schedule.

2008-03-31T13:02:28Z

Well, I fell asleep around 3pm yesterday and awoke at 3am this morning. Hopefully I'll finally get to bed at a decent hour tonight and wake up at an equally decent hour the next morning.

Some good news though, I finally get my damn braces off today! In a couple hours actually.
Quite excited about the freedom of my teeth. I think I might be smiling more often because of it.
Huzzah!

After the removal of my braces I'll have to be calling Times Printing, to see what's going on with that damn job position. Gawd.

In other news, I recently found that my profile bio is awfully outdated. Due to the fact that I am no longer in high school, and am not currently living in the suburban ghetto any longer.
So I'll have to get on that.

I could have easily changed it when I discovered the problem, but that would have been to easy.
No, no, no, instead I left it alone. Was I busy? Nope. Would it have taken long? Not at all.
And so the dimensions of Randi become even more complex.... (actually not really, but it's fun to think so).

I really don't think there's a point to this entry. Then again there isn't a point to any of my entries. I suppose I like to pretend that I'm some sort of celebrity that has to update her many admirers, or perhaps my mind has too much junk and this is my way of getting rid of it all.

With all that said, I must go back to painting.
Hope you all have a fantastically interesting day.

*bows*

A half awake update with cereal.

2008-03-30T14:03:30Z

G'day to all whom no longer read this blog.

It's around 8:30 AM, you may be thinking "My, Randi sure is up early."
Well your thoughts are wrong and I curse you for that.
You see, I'm not up early, I'm up late.
Well... to me I'm up late.
I haven't actually gone to bed yet.
When I do retire to sleep it'll be around 12 AM so then it'll be really really late.

Mmmmm Corn Flakes and banana slices melt my troubles away. At least until after I swallow that last drop of milk.

*eats like she hasn't eaten in weeks*

That was AMAZING! It was simply friggen ORGASMIC!

Uh ohs.... I can hear my dad in the background ranting. He hasn't had the best week. I think it's best if I spend the day acting as a ninja, no no, not by slaughtering people. By being invisible.
Then again I'm invisible most days.
It's not all too fun. Then again, on days like these it's, well, it's a life saver.
I no longer feel like rambling. So I think I'll go back to doing absolutely nothing..... or maybe I'll change my clothes....
but after changing my clothes I'll go back to doing nothing. Then again... if I'm doing nothing, isn't that still something? I mean... you're never really doing nothing. You're always doing something. The next time someone asks me what I'm doing. I think I'll respond with "breathing" instead of "nothing".
Better yet, I'll respond with "circulating blood through my veins and arteries" or perhaps I'll say "digesting the meal I had a few hours ago".
Those seem more interesting than "nothing".

Thus ends my rambling for the moment.

*bows*

metalicmocca @ 2008-03-15T00:46:00

2008-03-15T05:47:46Z

sup???? suckas................

Up Late and Bouncy.

2008-02-15T11:07:52Z

Well well well......

Wisconsin hasn't gotten any more interesting, only my insanity.

All I really have to do most days, until I start working is this laptop, which for today er... yesterday (V-Day) was my Valentine.
You may be laughing at that, but it's true. We spent all day together, it sang to me, and I stared deeply into it's .....screen. I couldn't keep my hands off it. My fingers constantly pressing it's "buttons".

So we didn't go to a restaurant, and it didn't buy me chocolates.
I guess you could say we decided to stay in.

Some may think that's pathetic, but I find it absolutely hilarious, because oddly, I was absolutely with spending this day alone.

My......how I've grown.

Well, I'm off to bed, and no, my laptop will not be joining me. After all, we only met a couple weeks ago.

Boredom Takes Over

2008-01-20T05:40:57Z

So bored.........Grah.........

So yeah, apparently I'm growing up. Wow. Fun.
I've been handling a lot of things differently.
Currently feel detached from society.
I suppose it's just something I'll have to deal with in order to get my life together.
GUH!
This is a fustrating day, Dad was drunk earlier....not sure but I think he called me a "bitch".
No clue what for, but you know, he was drunk.....whatever, I'll only have to put up with it for a year.
Just long enough to get money together, then I'll be back in Florida.
I don't know if there's a point to this entry.
I think I've lost my touch.
Yeah.......

metalicmocca @ 2008-01-19T23:35:00

2008-01-20T05:34:00Z

Well.....

I'm not quite sure if people even use livejournal anymore, most have upgraded to Myspace.
I don't write much on myspace.
I really don't think anyone does.

Well, maybe I'll get back into the routine of writing in this.

Years have passed and I suppose I've changed a bit....then again my life has too.

Or has it?
I mean nothing really changes, only the people and the setting.
We cycle through.
Now don't get me wrong I'm still friends with those that have been there for the solid strange 4 or 5 years that I've known them.
Well can't say they've been solid......
Lose of internet and phone...
Moving......
Doesn't exactly help keep friendships intact.
I suppose that's the real test.
Time.
Hmmmmm...
Guys in my opinion haven't gotten any less confusing.
It's not a subject that's become easier over the years.
Currently in Wisconsin *bows head*
AH! But I'll be back in Florida in a year, and living in Riverside....
Double w00t

What is there to say? Currently the only heat source in my house is the oven, that's right, heating the house with the oven. Take that! You think you're poor.....hahahaha I laugh in your face...
wait....
well.....not sure what else to say..
I guess I could clean up my house a bit before my dad gets home...
not much to clean..
I could sweep...
but then again how much dust could've collected since yesterday?

that's not a good thing....

(actually written 2 days ago, computer malfunction)

metalicmocca @ 2007-03-13T01:48:00

2007-03-13T04:50:56Z

I don't think anyone I know actually has this anymore, so anyway, Hi......and yes I'm still alive.

Give me a call, or leave a message sometime.

The Great Randini

metalicmocca @ 2006-08-15T09:28:00

2006-08-15T09:34:04Z

Alright, so I really don't ever write in this, that is a fact. Found a job, thought it was going to be great, turns out it was the biggest mother fucking mistake of my life...
I hate this job with a passion......no not the job, the place that I work at, the people, what they stand for. Just how fucking stupid people can be... I wish I could give more details but I rather not.
I live downtown, soon moving away from downtown, for a while I'll be out of the scene, not that I've really been in it for some time... but that's quite alright, you never know with me. Sometimes I just happen to show up or something....
Anyway its really fucking late and I have to get some rest....I'm going to need it so I can deal with bull shit for just one more week..
aaahh sweet sweet freedom....

...The Great Randini

Been a long time

2006-01-30T05:24:04Z

Hey guys, it's been a long time. I'm still living in the same apartment but for those of you who don't know, since october my mom and brothers have moved out in exchange for Neil and Justin. In April the lease is up so the three of us are moving to the south side, most likely southside blvd. So all is pretty well finished sgt. pepper earlier this month. I have to get a GED because Duval county screwed up any chance I had of getting a diploma. Going to FCCJ in the fall and soon I will be driving. That means I can visit everyone that hasn't forgotten about me yet.
I miss friends.....and people for that matter. It gets pretty dull being cooped up in an apartment by myself from 7 am - 5:30 pm.
And would you believe it...I am actually quiet during those hours......
But that will all be changing soon (the being alone and bored all day part)
Anyway I thought that everyone might like an update from me... and if I actually get a few comments I might just keep posting shit on here.
The contained Randi

Hm.

2005-10-07T18:51:15Z

So yes, I haven't written in here in forever. Because I have another account, Myspace. Then again I don't do much there either.
My boyfriend, Neil, and his friend Justin are writing a musical based off of The Beatles' album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Its very well written. I am the Stage Manager for the play, and I did the dance audition yesterday. Oh did I dance my little legs off. Tuesday is the singing and acting audition. .........Oh damn ! I fell asleep...I started writing this last night.
Damn, anyway michelle's spending the night, and now I must hurry and clean because I have overslept.

A dose of art and a dash of intellect

2005-09-12T06:58:20Z

Congratulations, Randi!
Your IQ score is 124

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thats good right? Neat.

One Hell of a Weekend

2005-07-05T05:46:11Z

So......this weekend was interesting.
I hung out at my friend justin's place along with neil, mark, jon and mike.
It's all sort of a blur, except for a few very interesting encounters, which I will not name.
lets see...I crashed over there Fri. night Sat. night, sunday I was over there till 5:30 am.
But before I left I had one of my many asthma attacks, and this one really scared me. I couldn't breath what so ever. My throat closed up and my chest hurt so fuckin' bad...
I practically passed out from lack of oxygen. But I'm ok now, probally going to quit smoking, that'd help.

Ok, so I think I'm going to drink the rest of the bourbon I have left before I go to sleep.
I entered all of my school work in time, and was exempted from the $301.00.
Michelle's going to spend the night Fri. and we'll be going to east port tavern to do some kareoke (did you know that 'kareoke' means 'tone deaf' in japanese?)
So yay, a night of avoiding drunk bikers, and chatting with some very interesting - not to mention - deranged people.

*sighs*.......
I need to go build something.......I don't know....
I'll probally end up going for a quick run, its a nice night, warm air and some very delightful memories of the weekend.

That's all for now, time to go download birthday massacre and all my faith lost. =D

metalicmocca @ 2005-06-29T01:54:00

2005-06-29T06:10:14Z

Ok, so I figured that I should post something in this bitch....seeing as how it usually helps....

Um, life with Neil is great, I'm happier than I've ever been, and we are going on our 8th month together...(longest relationship I've been in, and I'm phizzyched - psyched)
Life without money sucks, and vice versa....
I may not beable to finish this school year (school work is due by thursday) and I can't get into my school account to do the rest of the work (my exams) because my mom didn't make a payment on the school work ($301.00) also, my mom is only going to be getting $700 tommorow (today) from her paycheck.....rent is due on thursday also......rent is $810.....and we are getting $300 from my mom's new boyfriend who owes us money......my mom gave me crap because that money was supposed to buy food for us this week....and now its going to my school work.......I hope everything gets in order .....
I refuse to end up like my father! I REFUSE !!!!
AND IT'S ALL HIS FUCKIN FAULT !!!!! he doesn't even have a job yet....we aren't getting any money, and if he wasn't a lazy ass hole of a father then we wouldn't be in this fucking mess !!! but wait! if I was my older sister then he would have a job by now !!!!!!

But yeah......I've been keeping my cool and masking my anger with jokes - what I do best..

PASS IT ON !!!!!!

2005-06-14T03:20:11Z

<http://www.passthepotato.com/potato.php?potatoid=050613231519-807257>

metalicmocca @ 2005-06-10T14:44:00

2005-06-10T18:43:49Z

Fuck......no one cares, and why should they?

metalicmocca @ 2005-06-09T03:10:00

2005-06-09T07:10:19Z

I hate this month.....
I always have...

This month sucks

2005-06-07T07:28:21Z

Ok, so today my brother almost died....he was trapt under some sand at the beach, I wasn't there, he was with his friend and his friend's mom....they were digging tunnels and matt (my brother) went in to dig farther..the walls collapsed on top of him. He couldn't breathe or even wiggle his way out so help came and he was pulled out, he was unconcious for 5 minutes, the paremedics gave him oxygen. Matt was coughing up sand a lot. So he came home he's ok now....but it was scary....
the fire dep. called looking for my mom, they said they had my brother, and that he was trapped under some sand, I asked if he was ok, they said yes, but still, it was scary.....
It still is, later I started to think, ya know? I've already lost my father, I mean my dad's still alive, but not to the affect where its noticable to me, he lives in wisconsin now, and only calls my brothers. I lost one of my best friends last year....it'll be a complete year on the 12th.....so I thought about what I would do if my brother had died today......I don't think I'd be typing this right now....or breathing....I don't know, I'm not saying that I would kill myself, but I sure as hell know that my heart wouldn't be able to take any more.
But I have a feeling something horrible is going to happen....

yay ! sleeping beauty....ow....braces...

2005-05-28T20:13:25Z

You scored as Sleeping Beauty. Your alter ego is Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty! You are beautiful and enchanting, and as sweet as ever.

</td>

Sleeping Beauty

81%

Goofy

75%

Cinderella

75%

Peter Pan

75%

Ariel

63%

The Beast

56%

Pinocchio

31%

Snow White

25%

Cruella De Ville

25%

Donald Duck

19%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

yay ! I have stuff for my scrap books it's awesome !!!!!!!

ok, on another note.....
I got braces on the 25th.....
only on the top though, the braces don't hurt, but my teeth do. I can't eat anything hard.....I can't even eat salad, so I have to stick with mashed potataos, soup, and pudding.
So yeah........me......braces......weird.....

metalicmocca @ 2005-05-24T00:05:00

2005-05-24T04:04:41Z

You scored as Padme Amidala.

</td>

Padme Amidala

69%

Yoda

64%

Darth Vader

56%

Anakin Skywalker

53%

Obi Wan Kenobi

50%

General Grievous

42%

Clone Trooper

42%

Chewbacca

39%

R2-D2

39%

Mace Windu

33%

C-3PO

31%

Emperor Palpatine

22%

Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

metalicmocca @ 2005-05-19T23:45:00

2005-05-20T03:45:33Z

1. I _____ you

2. I want to _____you.

3.you are _____.

4. Me and you are/will_____.

5. If i was alone in a room with you we would probably _____.

6. I wish you could _____.

7. you are going to marry _____.

8. you remind me of _____.

9. If you were an animal, you would be a _____.

10. One day, me and you will ____!

Fill it out send it back and post it for yourself

A scary trip to the dentist's office

2005-05-18T22:34:04Z

There were objects and tools that I've never seen before ! Oversized ladies in clothes with giraffes and trains on them. It made no sense.....
"Just lay back in the chair dear" Dr. Gantling said to me "It'll be painless"
"this'll be a breeze" I guessed in my head. one shot, two shots, all in my gums, 3, 4,5, and 6, all on the roof of my heavenly mouth. 7, 8 and 9 all on the other side of my gums.
My face felt heavier than ever before. Tingling with sensation and Novicane. I tilted back and grabbed tightly on my jeans.
A small tug here a small tug there, and the bloody tooth wouldn't come out.
So the drill was much needed, I closed my eyes, clenched my jeans, and tried to find a happy place.
After 5 minutes out popped one extra long stained red tooth.
I clamped my hands together tightly, I knew what was next.
The Doc began working on the other tooth, and by this time the novicane had started to wear off. So now I could feel every tug and tear.
I yelped with a bit of pain and more shots were givin.....so now the pain is over and my moment of spitting up globs of blood in the sink while silently crying is over.
So now its frozen pops and ice cream for me for a few days.
At least till the gaping wholes heal shut.

*sighs* The novicane isn't completly gone.. =D
and next week I must get braces.

I night of RollerCoaster Tycoon and Cigarettes

2005-05-16T06:37:52Z

Ok I stole this from Holly..

The Beatles Reminds me of Neil (he's a major fan and has every cd)

Note Books remind me of Holly and Kaylub (back at Douglas Anderson, the three of us were the best of friends, but we had a busy schedule so we kept a notebook and passed around between the three of us, its how we kept eachother up to date)

Taxi's remind me of Tyler (Tyler wanted to hang out one night, and I was too afraid to ride in the cab alone, so he came and got me, twas the first time I rode in a cab)

Sunburn reminds me of kaylub (last summer her and I went swimming almost everyday and we had this god awful sunburn)

Piano reminds me of Michelle (she plays it a lot, and she's better than I am so...yeah..)

Skittles remind me of Lauren Addair (Lauren plays piano, her and I were in CLue The Musical together, so at one rehearsal her and I played piano together and I poured skittles all of the keys)

Flat tires remind me of Neil (on 2 accounts neil had a flat tire, and we had a hell of a time ditching the car and walking 4 miles back to my house)

The Landing reminds me of my mom (her and I went there the last 4th of July and god was it a blast)

well...... time for me to get to sleep

A Nice Kareoke Day Gone Bad

2005-05-14T07:15:11Z

OK, so today started out pretty good, didn't do too much at first. Called up Microsoft, found out that it's going to cost 79.98 to repair my brothers' XBOX, I volunteered to pay half (this way that can't give me shit when I ask if I can borrow it). I have no idea what's going on with my babysitting job.....but I did get to do some Kareoke tonight, twas fun ! I was missed and made a damn splendid come back with "Summer Nights" and well it just wouldn't be a Kareoke night if I didn't do "The Time Warp" the whole song and dance.
I recieved Standing Ovations and of course the round of compliments. It was nice, but I had to remember not to shake hands with my right hand.....I had an unfortunate accident earlier....(I sprained my wrist, I tripped over my brothers' XBOX) I'm luck I didn't shatter it.
OK so, I came home and talked to Neil, I was very happy....untill I recieved a very unpleasant IM from Neil and I's friend......Justin....
so yeah, the conversation basically consisted of Justin saying the following lines to me :

"I want to have sex with you"
"what are you wearing?"
"I'm horny"
"I want you"
"your pussy smells"
"So neil's taking a trip to vagina town"
"I want to get inside of you"

shit like that
I so badly want to kick his ass
you just don't know, and anyone who knows me knows that I WILL do it if it's neccesary.
I basically told him that I didn't consider him to be my friend any more.......
so neil said that he's going to say something to him tomm. about it.....yeah...we'll see if that happens.....
on top of that, I can't go to a play that my friends are acting in because neil's parents are going to be there with neil... so yeah...... I'm going to let a lot of people down because neil doesn't have the balls to stand up to them and tell them that we are together......
IT FUCKIN' SUCKS !!!!! &$(#@$)(#*@$().........
ok...so....I think neil might be breaking up with me soon.....I don't know....
that's all...