I feel as if my world is coming down around me....
all I have left are my tears and empty words.
I feel empty... unsure.. lost... alone..

hundreds of miles away from my past which was once solid and though
was in ruin held a concrete future.

Since those days I've realized that nothing is concrete, no friendship, no relationship, no job, no love, no happiness. Nothing is written in stone, our beliefs, our emotions, even ourselves change.

For once... I felt as though I had a future I could depend on... a future that before I thought would not fade or change.

That's all gone now...

My whole life has been a system and victim of change... scarcely for the better.
I'm tired, I'm worn, I'm tired of confrontations and doubts.
I'm tired of hate and love all at the same time.
I'm exhausted from trying to find the floor in which to ground myself....

So I guess this is me giving up..
and why not?

Who would notice?

And if someone were to notice.... who's to say they wouldn't become accustomed to it.. and forget about me?

I HAVE AN AMAZING BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LOSSSSSSSSSSSERSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SUCK MY METAPHORICAL BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I fell asleep around 3pm yesterday and awoke at 3am this morning. Hopefully I'll finally get to bed at a decent hour tonight and wake up at an equally decent hour the next morning.

Some good news though, I finally get my damn braces off today! In a couple hours actually.
Quite excited about the freedom of my teeth. I think I might be smiling more often because of it.
Huzzah!

After the removal of my braces I'll have to be calling Times Printing, to see what's going on with that damn job position. Gawd.

In other news, I recently found that my profile bio is awfully outdated. Due to the fact that I am no longer in high school, and am not currently living in the suburban ghetto any longer.
So I'll have to get on that.

I could have easily changed it when I discovered the problem, but that would have been to easy.
No, no, no, instead I left it alone. Was I busy? Nope. Would it have taken long? Not at all.
And so the dimensions of Randi become even more complex.... (actually not really, but it's fun to think so).

I really don't think there's a point to this entry. Then again there isn't a point to any of my entries. I suppose I like to pretend that I'm some sort of celebrity that has to update her many admirers, or perhaps my mind has too much junk and this is my way of getting rid of it all.

With all that said, I must go back to painting.
Hope you all have a fantastically interesting day.

*bows*

G'day to all whom no longer read this blog.

It's around 8:30 AM, you may be thinking "My, Randi sure is up early."
Well your thoughts are wrong and I curse you for that.
You see, I'm not up early, I'm up late.
Well... to me I'm up late.
I haven't actually gone to bed yet.
When I do retire to sleep it'll be around 12 AM so then it'll be really really late.

Mmmmm Corn Flakes and banana slices melt my troubles away. At least until after I swallow that last drop of milk.

*eats like she hasn't eaten in weeks*

That was AMAZING! It was simply friggen ORGASMIC!


Uh ohs.... I can hear my dad in the background ranting. He hasn't had the best week. I think it's best if I spend the day acting as a ninja, no no, not by slaughtering people. By being invisible.
Then again I'm invisible most days.
It's not all too fun. Then again, on days like these it's, well, it's a life saver.
I no longer feel like rambling. So I think I'll go back to doing absolutely nothing..... or maybe I'll change my clothes....
but after changing my clothes I'll go back to doing nothing. Then again... if I'm doing nothing, isn't that still something? I mean... you're never really doing nothing. You're always doing something. The next time someone asks me what I'm doing. I think I'll respond with "breathing" instead of "nothing".
Better yet, I'll respond with "circulating blood through my veins and arteries" or perhaps I'll say "digesting the meal I had a few hours ago".
Those seem more interesting than "nothing".

Thus ends my rambling for the moment.

*bows*

sup???? suckas................

Well well well......


Wisconsin hasn't gotten any more interesting, only my insanity.



All I really have to do most days, until I start working is this laptop, which for today er... yesterday (V-Day) was my Valentine.
You may be laughing at that, but it's true. We spent all day together, it sang to me, and I stared deeply into it's .....screen. I couldn't keep my hands off it. My fingers constantly pressing it's "buttons".

So we didn't go to a restaurant, and it didn't buy me chocolates.
I guess you could say we decided to stay in.


Some may think that's pathetic, but I find it absolutely hilarious, because oddly, I was absolutely with spending this day alone.

My......how I've grown.

Well, I'm off to bed, and no, my laptop will not be joining me. After all, we only met a couple weeks ago.

So bored.........Grah.........



So yeah, apparently I'm growing up. Wow. Fun.
I've been handling a lot of things differently.
Currently feel detached from society.
I suppose it's just something I'll have to deal with in order to get my life together.
GUH!
This is a fustrating day, Dad was drunk earlier....not sure but I think he called me a "bitch".
No clue what for, but you know, he was drunk.....whatever, I'll only have to put up with it for a year.
Just long enough to get money together, then I'll be back in Florida.
I don't know if there's a point to this entry.
I think I've lost my touch.
Yeah.......

Well.....

I'm not quite sure if people even use livejournal anymore, most have upgraded to Myspace.
I don't write much on myspace.
I really don't think anyone does.

Well, maybe I'll get back into the routine of writing in this.

Years have passed and I suppose I've changed a bit....then again my life has too.

Or has it?
I mean nothing really changes, only the people and the setting.
We cycle through.
Now don't get me wrong I'm still friends with those that have been there for the solid strange 4 or 5 years that I've known them.
Well can't say they've been solid......
Lose of internet and phone...
Moving......
Doesn't exactly help keep friendships intact.
I suppose that's the real test.
Time.
Hmmmmm...
Guys in my opinion haven't gotten any less confusing.
It's not a subject that's become easier over the years.
Currently in Wisconsin *bows head*
AH! But I'll be back in Florida in a year, and living in Riverside....
Double w00t

What is there to say? Currently the only heat source in my house is the oven, that's right, heating the house with the oven. Take that! You think you're poor.....hahahaha I laugh in your face...
wait....
well.....not sure what else to say..
I guess I could clean up my house a bit before my dad gets home...
not much to clean..
I could sweep...
but then again how much dust could've collected since yesterday?



that's not a good thing....




(actually written 2 days ago, computer malfunction)

I don't think anyone I know actually has this anymore, so anyway, Hi......and yes I'm still alive.


Give me a call, or leave a message sometime.

The Great Randini

Alright, so I really don't ever write in this, that is a fact. Found a job, thought it was going to be great, turns out it was the biggest mother fucking mistake of my life...
I hate this job with a passion......no not the job, the place that I work at, the people, what they stand for. Just how fucking stupid people can be... I wish I could give more details but I rather not.
I live downtown, soon moving away from downtown, for a while I'll be out of the scene, not that I've really been in it for some time... but that's quite alright, you never know with me. Sometimes I just happen to show up or something....
Anyway its really fucking late and I have to get some rest....I'm going to need it so I can deal with bull shit for just one more week..
aaahh sweet sweet freedom....


...The Great Randini